In a move that is sure to ignite debates across the country, the state of Texas has announced a groundbreaking decision: Pride flags are permanently banned from all classrooms, and the only flag allowed will be the revered American Stars and Stripes. The announcement, made during a press conference by Texas Governor Greg Abbott, was met with thunderous applause from some quarters, while sparking heated criticism from others. Naturally, the internet exploded in classic Texas fashion—equal parts fireworks and barbecue smoke.

“The American flag is a symbol of freedom, unity, and the shared values of all Americans,” Governor Abbott declared as he stood behind a podium adorned with the American flag, the Texas flag, and an oversized cowboy hat that was purely decorative. “In this great state, we believe that the only flag that should fly in our classrooms is the one that represents all Americans, not one that divides them.”

Abbott, known for his bold and often controversial moves, declared this a victory for “traditional values” and for “the children of Texas,” who he claimed would now be free from what he called “unnecessary distractions in the classroom.”

“Let’s be clear,” Abbott added, with the flair of a high school football coach at halftime, “Our classrooms are not places for political statements, social movements, or personal identity crusades. The only movement we want in Texas classrooms is students rising for the Pledge of Allegiance.” Read more: Material source: