Two days before Christmas, my sister lost her husband and son in a tragic accident. She called and asked me to cancel my big holiday party, but I refused, telling her, “You can’t ruin the holidays for everyone else.” I thought it was important to continue with the celebrations, even in the face of her grief.

During the party, I heard a crash from my baby’s room and went to investigate. To my shock, I found my sister packing away my toddler’s clothes and toys—items she’d lent me that had belonged to her late son. In tears, she accused me of not being worthy of them and called me a bad sister.

Guests overheard the argument, and I couldn’t help but feel that they probably thought I was heartless. I knew I had hurt her, but I also didn’t know how to balance her pain with the party I had planned for months.

Now, I’m left wondering if I made the wrong choice in prioritizing the party over her grief. Did I truly act in a thoughtless way, or was I justified in wanting to keep the holiday spirit alive? — Becca