Dear Wife,
I’m leaving you for good. After 7 years of marriage, I’ve had enough. The last two weeks were unbearable, and finding out you quit your job was the final straw.
You didn’t notice my new haircut, the favorite meal I cooked, or the new silk boxers I wore last week. You ate quickly, went straight to bed, and avoided any affection. There’s no love or intimacy anymore. I’m done.
Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia. Have a nice life.
Your EX-Husband
Dear Ex-Husband,
Your letter made my day. After 7 years, “good man” isn’t how I’d describe you. I watch TV to block out your complaints. I noticed your haircut but thought it looked bad, so I stayed quiet. You cooked a meal I don’t eat anymore, and those boxers? I saw the $49.99 tag.
I quit my job because I won $10 million and booked us Jamaica tickets, but you left first. Now I’m free—and rich. Oh, and my sister used to be Carl—hope that’s not an issue!
Your Ex-Wife
